Good news! Hurray!

Last friday, October 25, Danny went to  the Jefferson Imaging Center  in East Norton to get a CAT scan  to check on his progress. While he was getting his scan done, I got bored and went up to the desk and asked if they could smash my boobies and do a mammogram while I was waiting.  They said, “Yes”. I didn’t need a prescription, appointment or anything and no copay! They told me the results right away- I have empty boobs- yep, nothing in there. Too bad they couldn’t do the same for Danny. He had to go home and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. He got sick from the anxiety of waiting. He lost 8 more pounds during the wait. He now weighs 172! That makes it a total of 44 pounds he has lost since July 13th.

But yesterday, around 4 o’clock, Doctor Lavu’s office girl (Nadine) called and told us that Dr. Lavu looked at the scan and it was good! GOOD! Wahoo! I knew that damn spot wasn’t cancer. I mean, he still has cancer on his pancreas but that teeny little spot on the liver is NOT cancer. I think it was just a Jack Daniel brand mark. Anyone who’s ever drank Jack Daniels has this mark. We all do- you , me and Dotty!

Nadine said Doctor Lavu wanted Danny to get a PET scan now ( a very expensive test, $5,000) to prepare for surgery and to double check the CAt scan results. Danny picked up the other phone and in his sexiest voice politely asked Nadine to please see if she could pull a few strings and get us into the PET scan sooner? She , of course, replied yes. Who can resist that sexy voice- not me that’s for sure!

We hung up and Danny had tears of relief and happiness streaming down his cheeks. I whooped and hollered with extreme joy. Ana sat next to her Gramps and cried with him, while she held his hand. He doesn’t like to cry in front of the kids but this was too big a release of tension after 6 days of agony! Josie and Ry (the other two grandchildren) just walked into this scene after getting off the bus. They didn’t know what was going on. Gramps and Ana crying, Nana jumping around whooping  and doing the happy dance. I explained what had happened. Gramps said, “Don’t tell the kids on the bus that your Gramps was crying.”

I immediately began calling and texting everyone who had been waiting along with us. It is certainly an occasion to celabrate! Now we have to concentrate on fattening up Danny and preparing him for surgery. He has another chemo scheduled but we are going to cancel that. He sure doesn’t need gallons of poison dumped into him to weaken him before his Whipple surgery!

Don’t forget the Walk for Pancreatic Cancer is only 10 days away!

Walk or run a 5k course at Memorial Hall, Fairmount Park on November 9!

Enjoy music, food, kids’ activities, our ShopPurple store and awards, all while raising awareness of pancreatic cancer.

 

Skipping off to surgery land!

We were so hopeful. Danny got scheduled for surgery on wednesday. The cancer hasn’t spread to his liver and he can get a mini-whipple . All is good in the world. We spent the day in Philadelphia do pre surgery testing. Pretty much skipping through town with happiness. Danny’s a little scared of the surgery but believe me- its a good thing!

Dori went with us and she looked so funny sitting on the sidewalk with our lunch all spread out. She really looked like a homeless person. But she is wonderful. She made lots of yummy food and fed us like kings. Danny doesn’t want to lose too much weight so he really tries hard to eat.

GOOD NEWS! Still Pancreatic cancer but not hopeless.

Dori, Sean, Jesse  and I leave the house at 6:00 to head back to the hospital. Dori didn’t get in last night till around 3 in the morning. As always there was an accident on the highway which jammed up traffic. Sean drives and we flop into his car. We park in the parking garage at the hospital on the level called Tyranny. And go from one huge building to the next trying to find Danny. We finally get to the right building and the security guard stops us.
“You have to wait here because the nurses want us to call up and let them know when someone is coming up.” his stubby fat fingers fidget with a repetitive drawing on his tablet while he waits for the phone to be answered. He doodles a three dimensional box over and over. I just want to get up to see Danny. He draws five boxes before he finally hangs up the phone and tells us we can go up to the 13th floor. Danny went to the ER on July 13th and now he’s on the 13th floor. I finger my Lucky Girl necklace and thank God I’m not superstitious.

This morning , like every morning this started, Danny’s face lights up with a huge smile when we walk into his room. Lerin is half asleep on the recliner/ bed chair that she spent the night on. Thank goodness she did! Danny told me he was terrified last night because they had told him at the last hospital about the cancer while he was still groggy from anesthesia and he thought that he would die the next day.Lerin stayed up and comforted him,reassuring him he wasn’t going to die the next day. Danny gave her a map to his treasures and bank accounts and all that other important information.
His room was huge and it was private. He likes that because people annoy him. but even though he didn’t have a roommate plenty of people came in the room. Dr. Lorean who came in and asked if it was okay to teach a class about pancreas over Danny. Danny agreed and in troops about 8 resident doctors. They circle danny’s bed and the class begins with them trying to figure out how to diagnose Danny’s condition. Everyone here is sweet and very considerate. Dr. Lorean tells Danny he’s going to get another ERCP this morning and that the Doctor at Phoenixville had grossly overstated the cancer. He told us that they do hundreds of ERCP’s and it’ll be no problem getting a stent in Danny’s blocked bile duct.  Then doctor and his row of baby ducks filed out.

For the first time we felt a little hopeful. Maybe Phoenixville was wrong. Maybe they just weren’t used to Pancreatic cancer. It is  rare to get this type of cancer but it is deadly.

The janitor informs us that Danny has to move to a new room because his toilet is broken and can’t be fixed right away. So we pack up his few belongings and move to the other end of the hallway to a much smaller room. Danny has diarrhea now, who wouldn’t with this kind of terror? So they have to do more testing in case he has some kind of poop virus that is going around. He gets a 3D CT scan and then the nurse comes in to remove h11:51 am he climbs aboard a gurney to head to the operating room. A nursing student asks us if she can come along to observe. I tell her , “Of course, it’s your place.”

All 7 of us squeeze into the elevator next to Danny. He is pushed down hallways , across bridges and into more elevators till we get to the OR. We all follow him in. The nurse says , “Whoa! That’s quite an entourage you have there. I can tell you’ve never been sick before. Just wait after awhile no one will be with you. I see it all the time.” She shoos out everyone but me and the nursing student. I sit in a chair next to Danny and hold his hand. We have so much to talk about and this damn nursing student pulls up a chair right next to mine and sits there the whole time. She’s going to make a terrible nurse. How could she be so rude?

The operating room nurse comes over and says, “EWWWWW! Why are you touching each other so much? My parents used to do that and its disgusting.” She fiddles with some wires. “Why are you holding his heart, there’s nothing wrong with his heart.” She pulls out Danny IV so she can put in a new one.

“We always touch other other a lot”, I say. How sad that this woman thinks that two people who love each other shouldn’t be touching.

They wheel Danny away and I go join the kids in the waiting room.

Dr. Loren came out and told the whole gang to step into the conference room. He said that the ERCP was successful and he was able to put in the stent and Danny’s bile duct was open. HURRAY! His Liver juices can flow again and he’ll return to his normal  color.

The doctor ordered a liver biopsy because of the spot seen on his liver. He believes it may be cancer that spread from his pancreas . This would be very bad news. That would mean the cancer has gone into his blood steam and can go anywhere in his body. Let’s just hope it is just a benign spot. Hope.

PANCREATIC CANCER

This is a day we will never forget. Danny is prepared for another procedure. He is going to get an ERCP, which involves him laying on his stomach and having a tube put down his throat so they can put a scope down there and look at his pancreas. He’ll be asleep. In preparation they do a a MRI and ultrasound.

While he is gone his buddy, Marc V. stops by to visit. It’s Marc’s lunch break so he waits for Danny to return but no show. Marc wishes Danny well and leaves without getting to see Danny.”If there is anything we can do, let us know.” he says as he leaves the room. Jesse H. is there visiting also. Danny returns and gets a big smile on his face when he sees her. We’ve known her since she was a tiny bald headed baby. The transporter guy comes to whisk Danny away to the OR for his ERCP. They tell Jesse and I to follow. He gets ready for the procedure and we can wait with him. The nurses talk to him and the anesthesiologist talks him about how they will be putting him to sleep. Finally they take him away and we are told to go sit in the waiting room. Jesse and I laugh and giggle at the nurses pushing large piles of books and files around on office chairs. An hour goes by and the doctor comes out. I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. It was like she was in a tunnel floating toward in with a horrible look on her face and a box of tissues extending in front of her like a battering ram.

“The ERCP failed. There is no hope. Your husband has PANCREATIC CANCER and  its everywhere. There is nothing we can do. We couldn’t unblock his bile duct. I’m sorry. ”

Tears stream down my face. Loud sobs. My body begins to shake uncontrollably.I get very, very cold. The doctor hands me the box of tissues and leaves.
“No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no.” I repeated over and over getting louder each time. Jesse puts her arm around me. She is crying too. A nurse comes in and wraps a warm blanket over my shoulders and holds me tight. She says. ” I’ll pray for you.” I whisper, “we’ve been together since I was fifteen and he was sixteen. This is suppose to happen. It’s not how we planned it. I had a countdown on my iPhone till the day he would retire and we would play together all day. And now my best friend in the world was dying. Dying! I begin texting. My est girlfriend Sandy was upstairs delivering a bunch of red heart balloons with one truck balloon. She text me that she was here and where were we. I text back, “Danny is dying.” She wants to come to me to comfort me but I have no idea where I am. We are in the same building but she can’t find me and I don’t know where I am.

Stage II
In stage II, cancer may have spread to nearby tissue and organs, and may have spread to lymph nodes near the pancreas. Stage II is divided into stage IIA and stage IIB, based on where the cancer has spread.
Stage IIA: Cancer has spread to nearby tissue and organs but has not spread to nearby lymph nodes.

Not too bad if it hasn’t spread

I try to pull myself together when they say I can go see Danny. He is groggy but alert enough to ask me the dreaded question, “Am I going to die?” How in the hell do you answer that? I say, “Probably.” We hold each other and cry. They take him back to his room. I text our four children to come to the hospital as soon as possible. We have no idea how soon he is going to die. Danny believes he’ll be dead by the next morning. Lerin and Sean come immediately. Our oldest daughter is on vacation at Yellowstone park with her three children. She heads right home driving 26 hours straight. Dorian hops a flight from Denver to Philadelphia.

The surgeon returns and explains to Lerin who is a nurse about her fathers cancer. She is already toning it down a bit.She said she had a friend at Jefferson Hospital  and had arranged for Danny to go there. Sean and Jesse drove down to Philadelphia to wait for danny to arrive. Lerin and I were going to drive down separate .The ambulance finally arrives and takes danny down to the city. It took so long for them to come that Jesse and Sean came back. Lerin ended up driving down herself since she had to pick up her sister, Dorian at the airport. After Lerin picked up Dorian she decided to stay at the hospital with her daddy and Dorian drove her car back home at 3 in the morning.

I ended up going home. I was too exhausted to do anymore  and I knew I’d need my strength for the next morning.

Danny July 15-The C Bomb drops!

The C Bomb drops!

Sunday in the hospital with Turtleman

The hospital is deserted. Its sunday and its real quiet. Except for the rumbling and grumbling coming from danny’s stomach. He still is not allowed anything to eat or drink. Nothing since that measly breakfast yesterday morning. He has an IV in his arm but it doesn’t make the hunger go away. We watch a marathon run of Turtleman. We don’t watch much TV at home, but since we are stuck here for awhile and channels are limited we laugh together over the amazing turtle man. “You can’t help but like him.”

Our marathon is interrupted by  a belly doc who comes in and tells us Danny is going to get another test tomorrow where they put a tube down his throat. The doctor doubles the amount of IV juice Danny is getting.

“He’s a big boy and needs more.”

My best friend, Sandy texts me she is at the hospital with real food. What ever happened to hospitals food? For awhile there it got better, really better. But now it tastes like shit. So my dear friend brought me real mexican food. Now that’s a real friend!

Emergency! Emergency! Danger! Danger!

We wake up early like we always do to go to the “Ice House” for breakfast. Danny is still ill so he only orders 2 eggs and plain dry rye toast. Oh, and coffee. He wasn’t going to order coffee because of his stomach but at the last minute he does. He loves his morning coffee. We go out for breakfast at least once a week.

 

We go home directly because I have a painting project I am anxious to get started. Soon as I got home I change into old clothes and get out all the paint, brushes etc so I can start to paint the steps. I had just ripped the 30 year old carpet off them.

RING,RING,RING. Danny answers the phone. I don’t pay any attention since I am lugging equipment up to the top of the stairs. “STOP! We have to go to the emergency room.”  He yells up the stairs. My stomach flip flops. “What?” I knew what he said, I just needed more time to digest the words. “That was the doctors office, they said my blood test was 550 and I have to go to the ER right now.” I drop everything, run downstairs and change my clothes. A girl’s gotta look good in the ER!

When we get to the ER, they take us right back. After doing all the standard weighing, measuring and questioning. They jab him with an IV and take more blood tests. They drag his gurney out of the room to go off to get a CAT scan and Ultrasound. I expect it to take a long time but he is pushed back in no time at all. And then we wait and wait and wait. I hold my arm next to his and say, “How did you get tanner than me? We do everything together, including going out in the sun.” He laughs and replies, ” I do work outside you know.” The doctor finally returns and tells us that  they saw a SHADOW on the pancreas.
“It just might be swelling from pancreatitis or it might be a mass.” I giggle and whisper to Danny, “We are catholic.”
The new blood test reveals his Lipase has gone from 550 to 3834 in one day! And it is not the sun that made him tanner than me but his bile duct is clogged and he is turning yellow from bilirubin (3.4). The diagnose him with Pancreatitis and admit him into the hospital.

And so the cancer journey begins…

.  “Of course your belly will hurt when your Mommy dies.” I repeat over and over. My husband, Danny, has been mourning the loss of his mother. His stomach has been bothering him for three weeks. He never gets stomach aches. In fact, he never gets anything. He takes no medication except melatonin sometimes to sleep better at night. He exercises, eats right, doesn’t smoke and has a happy life. He is 57 years old and extremely healthy.

“Ah, you’re just old.” I say over and over when he complains of feeling tired all the time. No one can ever accuse me of being an alarmist. But then on Thursday,  July 11, 2013, he wakes up with a sharp pain in his stomach. I call and make an appointment with the family doctor first thing in the morning. He went this morning and they did blood tests.